Writing at 4:00 AM: Endless Loops, Cupcake Dreams, and Malnourished Souls

Are we not our own prisoners in an endless loop? If an entity can be so repulsed by being imprisoned by a lesser being’s endless loop, then shouldn’t we also loathe the fact that we have succumbed  to the fetters of our own creation? The very pattern we create for ourselves to escape reality has robbed us of our very free will that’s endowed within us! Quite Strange don’t you think?

No one can be free without self-control. How blind have we been to that very word, “self-control”. What is freedom when we have no control over ourselves? Has life become just patterns and routines? Addictions and convulsions? Repetition?

Like the incessant tapping of fingertips on a table, these addictions remove us from reality and into the noise that screams for attention. Quite, and seemingly innocent tapping that demands to be heard, recognized and consumed. Our OCD cannot accept the tap, tap, tap, tap… from the pinky to the index finger, impatiently waiting for our opposable thumbs to coax the noise away.

Lures set, coins placed, daily-prizes updated,  and cup-cake traps ready. We crowd around to the luminous glow. 150 is a number. Same with 99 and 1.  But oh how glorious are these numbers that make everything else dull. Such an alluring dream of glory and freedom, with all its consequences


So we condition ourselves not to fear the electroshock of technology and addiction, but rather to embrace it, for it’s promised that something sweet is at the end. The cupcake dream is worth the electro-therapy that we are prescribed by the psychiatrists.  “Oh you’re sad, lonely, anxious, and depressed?”, says the doctor. “Here’s a carrot on a string. What’s that, you don’t like carrots? Of course you don’t. Okay here’s a delicious cupcake hooked to a large battery. Mmm yes it hurts to grab it, no? Don’t worry, as long as you set your desires on this cupcake, all other cares in the world will go away.


So this becomes us. Medicated by promises of satisfaction. Brilliantly medicated I say. A lick of frosting at first to entice us and mask the static shock that comes with it. Positive reinforcement hides the natural positive punishment. Content rats in a maze. We stubbornly grab onto the pleasures promised day in and day out, but always shocked by the sheer emptiness it brings.

Deep down inside, however, we know that the voice of reason (Lisa) tells us to do otherwise.


“A simple cupcake will bring me no pleasure.” Once we realize that these things we constantly strive for are mere cupcakes in the midst of a great feast, we become enlightened. However, it comes with the enlightenment of our depravity and malnourished life.

We step out of our cave and see an orange tree. It’s fragrance and vivid color makes us salivate with a hunger for nourishment. We grab the orange-ist orange and take a big bite out of it, but to our dismay, it’s bitter, hard, and rough. “What gives?”, we ask ourselves, “I’ve had orange flavored sprinkles on cupcakes and it doesn’t taste like this. I’m never touching an orange again! Time to go back to that delicious cupcake”. In a life engrossed with cupcakes, we may never learn to peel an orange.

We long for nourishment, but many of us haven’t learned how to get it. We don’t even know how to peel a damn orange because we’ve never had a real one. All we had are cheap, artificially flavored substitutes.

The world is our orange. Ignorance is bliss only if all you know is a cupcake. But it becomes a bitter fear if we only know the shell of the orange.  Our job is to persevere through the bitter fear, dig deep into the worlds contents and actively and wisely peel into the life giving sweetness of the world.


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