This is a candid post about my family and I. I never really know how to start a post like this. I guess i’ll start with a list
- I have a mom and a dad
- Dad doesn’t talk to mom. He only yells at her
- My dad had a stroke so his language and understanding is very off
- Mom talks all the time. Mostly to me, sometimes my dad, and sometimes to no one in particular.
- My mom has bipolar disorder so she talks a lot. Her language and understanding is very off, but in a different way.
- I’ve never had a reasonable conversations with my parents.
- I relay their messages to each other even though they’re in the same house.
- Oh I also have a brother that I haven’t seen in… is it 10 years? 15? I actually don’t know.
- My brother stopped talking to my mom and dad. I haven’t talked to him in 2, 3 years? I lost track
- I’ve never seen my parents kiss or show affection to each other. They sleep in different rooms.
- My dad is very depressed. All he does is sleep, sit, and watch tv.
- My mom is depressed. Don’t get me started on what my mom does…
- It’s been like this for 25 years
List are good but it lacks a story. Stories are difficult… maybe i’ll save that for a later post
I write this post, yes to vent, and honestly with some bitterness, resentment, sadness, and anger. I’m only human. But my family has made me who I am today and I am thankful for it. I’m thankful for them. They indirectly taught me patience, compassion, love, duty, and respect, through their lack of it for each other. They constantly challenge me and put me through the fire. Every second at home is a fight for sanity and peace within the chaos. For those that know me, yet do not know these details, this IS my life. This IS my personality, my humor, my mannerisms, and the essence of who I am. This doesn’t change who I am because it is who I am.
I sit here and write all this in a Mcdonald’s at 11:25 PM. I should be home so my parents don’t worry about me… But I’m here for a reason. McDonald’s is the last place someone wants to be at 11:28 at night… It’s fucking depressing here. But I’d rather be here than home. The only thing that draws me back home is the worry and loneliness that my parents constantly feel when I’m out so late. Plus that’s where my bed is. I need sleep 🙂